September 28th, 2004

Reborn.

I’ve heard it mentioned from several fathers, that having a child changes one’s perspective on life. I find it hard to disagree. Landon’s birth has had a strong effect on me, but rather than giving me a different perspective, it has given me his perspective. It is very surreal to watch the world develop through Landon’s eyes. Recently I have been awed by his lack of understanding of pain. If Landon bumps his head or smashes a finger a look of utter disbelief washes across his face. He is completely under prepared and inexperienced with pain. Tears quickly ensue, but for a brief moment you can watch him trying to comprehend what the heck is happening to his pounding cranium. And before the tears can dry, he plods forward bumping his head into the next sharp, pointy object in his path. I must admit to a slight bit of jealousy. His courage is tremendous. His bravery may be blind now, but nonetheless he crawls across the floor, unencumbered by fear. Meanwhile my personal trepidation about his safety, and about my own continued well being so that I can continue as a father for him, has increased several fold. So as I watch my son crawl like a lion, I have begun to tiptoe through life like a lamb. This isn’t the change of perspective I had anticipated, hopefully I can learn a little blind courage from my son, and hopefully he can learn a little caution from his dad.