Being a father seems to suck time away at every angle, as can be exemplified by the decreasing frequency of my posts. This post was initially started on Sunday night, but required close to 48 more hours to complete. Perhaps my slow typing is partially to blame.

April 18th, 2004

Ugh, I got pretty sick this past week. Wednesday night I noticed that after a long day at work that culminated in the final release of a large group of fish involved in a year long research project, I had a fairly decent scratch in the back of my throat. That night I tossed and turned excessively, each waking moment spent realizing that the scratch was slowing growing stronger and more painful. I went to work the next morning, and trudged through a miserable day that saw a steady decline in my health and spirits. By early afternoon I surrendered to the pain and headed for home. I struggled to move my head to scan for cars in the other freeway lanes, my head hurt terribly; any movement resulted in a throbbing that matched well the aches and chills that sprinted up and down my frame. And forget about my throat, it had long since failed to operate. I arrived home, had some udon noodles and went to bed with a fever of 102ºF. For obvious reasons I was not allowed to get near Landon, this hurt worse than all of my physical symptoms combined.

Friday morning brought more of the same, so I took the day of work and suffered on the couch downstairs. Rhiannon calls me a wimp when I get sick, and to some extent she’s probably right, I pride myself on not getting sick often, but when I do its often difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Friday will be remembered as another lousy day of no contact with my son.

The number one thought and concern I had trumpeting again and again across my sick skull concerned Landon getting sick. Not only would I feel absolutely terrible if I was responsible for Landon’s first infection, but I also began to dwell on what it must feel like to be ill for the very first time. As I lay there, achy and uncomfortable, I at least could blame the virus or bacteria that were ravaging my insides, all the while my immune system extending a strong defensive counter-assault to quell the invading pathogens. For Landon or any baby for that matter, experiencing sickness initially must be incredibly vexing. One morning the sun rises as always and warm milk and smiles fill your day, the next morning the sun rises and new feelings of soreness and chills and fever take over. The change must be so blaringly unavoidable, and at the same time so unexplainable. I can’t imagine the confounding frustration. I hope Landon never gets sick.

By Saturday morning I started to feel myself again, definitely enough to venture out as a family with Rhiannon and Landon. We planned to head to the swap meet, but rain clouds threatened, so instead we headed to a nearby mall – an outdoor mall, and sure enough, we weren’t there more than 10 minute and the rain began to fall. We were completely unprepared, underdressed, and yet somehow undeterred, so we plowed ahead with our mission to spend some time outside. The intelligence of this decision obviously comes into question considering that I was still recovering, and Landon is only a fresh eight weeks of age, but we had fun, and survived, and Landon felt his first few raindrops which was particularly awesome.

Saturday also represented Landon’s two month birthday, it seems like he’s been here forever. I honestly struggle to remember what my life was like before him. He’s still expanding at an incredible rate, and has finally begun to identify toys and follow them as they move across his field of vision. His smiles have increased and he has begun to laugh. He often reflects smiles that are directed toward him, like the world’s most precious mirror, every smile distributed returns with a wonderfully pure upgrade. Landon seems more and more to recognize his parent’s faces.

Monday morning required Landon to visit the doctor for his 2 month check up. I am happy to report that all is well with our son. He now weighs in at 13 pounds 2 ounces and is over 24 inches in length. He still falls in the 90th percentile for both of these statistics although he has dropped of the curve a little since his last doctor’s visit. Rhiannon and I have resigned ourselves to the fact that Landon will no longer be the number one draft pick in the NFL or NBA, his father has instead begun to eye the possibilities of fly fisherman stardom. Landon also received four vaccination shots which turned his face a frightening shade of red and filled the examination room with wails. He has rebounded well, and hopefully has already pushed the event to the deep recesses of his infantile memory.

I watched a crow consume a baby sparrow today while the young bird’s parents valiantly protested and swooped in protest toward the cloaked invader. It forced me to realize how vicious of a world we all live, and how far removed we are as a species from the life and death struggles that so definitely shaped our archetypal consciousness. It’s comforting to be able to lock the front door at night, pat the dog on the head, and fall to sleep in relative peace listening to the light snores emanating from your newborn son.